Laura Bowers

I really can't remember any specific advice that I've received from a fortune cookie.

But, although this is kind of off-topic, I do remember a horrendous reading a psychic once gave me when I was twenty-one, before becoming a Christian.  It was at a restaurant in Baltimore, where the reading came with dinner.  The psychic informed me that:

a.  I would soon get married but it would end up in a divorce.

b.  I would then begin a rocky relationship with another man who would live with me but wouldn't want to get married.

c.  He would eventually leave me and I'd be single for the rest of my life.

Nice, huh?  At the time, I was devastated and could hardly finish my meal.  And, it didn't help that my friend received a glowing reading, complete with grand career success and much happiness.  But, I soon realized the woman must have had an alternative motive--and that was to depress the living crap out of me, and ruin my dessert.  

And now?  I put zero faith into psychics, horroscopes . . . or fortune cookies.

But still, they are quite tasty!  And can provide quite the giggle. ;)

Darlings, we do have our share of traditions, some of them dating back to my childhood. Isn't funny how some traditions that seemed totally stupid as a kid are the same ones you hold onto as adults? For example, here's some traditions--or you could call some rules--my mom had.

TRADITION #1: Thou shall not decorate until the house is clean.

This one killed me as a kid! There I was, excited about Christmas and decorating with all the boxes brought out of storage. But nooooo . . . we had to clean first. Not fair, right? But then again . . . it was also quite smart seeing how it was the perfect motivation to get my brother and me to scrubbing. Besides, you seriously can't decorate a dirty house!

TRADITION #2: Thou shall not eat your popcorn until the movie starts.

We weren't big movie goers when I was a kid because they were expensive. But during the holidays, the budget relaxed and we would always go see a movie, sometimes with my father on Christmas Eve. However, the expensive popcorn, sodas and snacks my parents bought? We weren't allowed to start eating them until the movie starts.

Okay, this one is brutal and my kids absolutely hate the torture of having to wait before digging into their popcorn. Still, really, it is smart. Especially now when previews take forever and most people are usually done their snacks by the time the movie starts. But not us, nope, we still have our food, hehehehe.

TRADITION #3: Thou shall not snoop for presents.

Trust me when I say that I learned this lesson the hard way.  And to this day, you could have all my presents piled on the kitchen table with only a sheet over them and I will NOT touch it. Not even one little tiny peek and that's all I've got to say about this subject. ;)

TRADITION #4: Thou shall not put any presents underneath the tree before Christmas.

Again, I like this tradition, unlike my husband who always wants to put a few presents underneath the tree early.  But as a kid, it was always so magical to wake up Christmas morning to find presents mounded underneath the tree, so this tradition stays.

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So Mom and I do agree on some things when it comes to Christmas. But, there were some traditions Mom always followed that I have long ago abandoned. Such as . . .
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TRADITION #5: Thou shall give children new slippers on Christmas Eve.

My brother and I were allowed to open one gift on Christmas Eve and it was always a pair of new slippers. New slippers were a must in our farmhouse that was heated with only wood stoves. I tried to keep this tradition alive with my kids--but they hate slippers. Even the cute Barney or Tweetie-bird ones. So this one has died.

TRADITION #6: Thy father shall take thy children out on Christmas Eve so thy mother can get work done.

Every year, my father would take my brother and me somewhere fun on Christmas Eve, like to the movies, bowling alley or skating rink.  This was always such a treat because he worked night shift and we didn't get to spend time with just him very often.  Mom stayed home to get all the last minute things done, like wrapping, cleaning or baking.

At first, Bob and I did hold on to this tradition.  He has a roughly twenty-year tradition of his own, where he meets up with his friends at a restaurant on Christmas Eve, so he started taking the kids when they were older, leaving me home.  But, about five years ago, I saw a serious flaw in this. Why am I at home working when the holidays are about being together with your family? So now, if there is last minute work to be done, we all do it together in the morning so I'm free to go have fun. We take about forty dollars worth of quarters so the kids can go wild playing the video and basketball games while us adults hang out.

Now that's a good tradition. 

And then there's also my tradition of making a TON of mini-cheesecakes for my husband to give out to business associates, like I did last year. That's what I'm doing today, and by this evening my fridge will look like this . . .



Yum.  And now it's back to batch #5 for me . . .

My dream winter escape? Well, I hate being cold and I despise skiing so that pretty much leaves out anything north of Florida. I did try skiing once, because I'm an adventurous gal and who knows, maybe I'd love it, right? Wrong. To quote those wonderful guys from In Living Color's "Men on Film" . . . HATED IT! (Remember those Men on Film skits? I give it three snaps in Z-formation. So hilarious!) 

Anyway, after freezing all day and being cut off from some five-year-old crap who sent me flying into a pine tree, I vowed to never ski again.  So my dream winter escape requires heat, tropical drinks and large bodies of water. Bob and I used to take a vacation every winter--in the days before baseball and our kids activities ruled--to places like Aruba or Jamaica. It felt so deliciously sneaky to pack our summer clothes and go to the airport dressed in shorts. Our absolute favorite trip was to Puerto Vallarta, so that, my friends, would be my ultimate wintertime escape.

And for those who miss the In Living Color TV show, here's a little taste of our friend Fire Marshall Bill. ;)

Oh, and that eBay item I tried to win last week? I totally lost. Grr. Have a great Monday!